A number of years ago, Fortuna, the goddess of fortune, smiled  most graciously on the Town of Hyde Park when
John Bickford took up residency.  Little did the citizens of Hyde Park know that they were in the company of the  custodian of all the accumulated knowledge of the ages in the person of a one  John Bickford. John Bickford became involved inthe government of the Town of  Hyde Park by becoming a member of the planning board. Unfortunately, during his  tenure on the planning board, John Bickford became emblematic of the dysfunction  of the Hyde Park Planning Board. It has been alleged that John Bickford single  handedly discouraged a number of
applicants and potential applicants from doing  business in Hyde Park because of his often insipid and absurd, drivel  filled marathon pontifications at planning board meetings. Since John  Bickford’s departure from the planning board, it appears that the environment at  planning board meeting is now somewhat improved
as to the needs of the applicant  and the guidance that this body now provides. It has become generally accepted  in political circles that John Bickford’s failure to be reappointed to the  planning board was indeed a blessing to the community. It was ironic the John  Bickford, who claimed to be a P.E., his license has long expired, stated at a  planning board meeting which gave the proposed CIA hotel project its final  approval the he, John Bickford, would not have voted to do so without the CIA  ceding land to the town. Fortunately, John Bickford was no longer a planning  board member when he hade this absurd comment. John Bickford failed to realize  that making such a demand is illegal. John Bickford’s insatiable need for  attention is still being fed by several
unsuspecting entities. John Bickford’s  brilliance has brought him to the school budget steering committee, after all  John Bickford just may be a CPA. What is of interest is that for an individual  who claims to be familiar with accepted accounting practices, he does not know  the difference of running a business on a cash basis as opposed to an accrual  basis. So much for John Bickford's financial expertise. Recently, John spoke  about the emotional resilience of elementary school children at a school board  meeting. Is John Bickford also a child psychologist? Fortunately for the Town of  Hyde Park, John Bickford was appointed to the unofficial position of Disaster  Preparedness Czar by Aileen
Rohr. It can be assumed that the residents of the  town can rest easy knowing that John Bickford is manning the ramparts to drive  back disasters whether manmade or natural. With John Bickford’s vast knowledge, it has been rumored that his  friend and associate, James Kennedy
Langan, will be writing a biography of John  Bickford so that this dynamic personality will be in the hearts and minds of all  Hyde Park residents for generations to come. The title? The Last Man Who Knew  Everything.
Perhaps "The Babbling Buffoon of Hyde Park" would be more  appropriate. Besides, who in their right mind would want a petty thief, and not  a very good one, to
write his official  biography?